Characteristics- Logical
- Rational
- Distant
- Grounded
- Practical
- Slow to warm up
- Guarded, slow moving in relationship
- Often disconnected from their emotions, repress them
Core Wounds- I am defective (something's wrong with me)
- shame wound
- I am unsafe
- I am/will be trapped
- I am incapable of change (belief)
- I am/will be weak (if i'm vulnerable)
- I am not good enough
- I am helpless (da form is often "incapable")
- I am/will be powerless (if i open up or show
- too much emotion)
Common Emotional Problems- Shame
- Low-level anxiety
- Irritation
- Impatience (more specifically with people than situations)
- Frustrated
- Annoyed
- Drained
- Overwhelmed
Relationship to Boundaries- Set more extreme boundaries than other attachment styles
- Often set boundaries more via actions than through using words and expressing themselves
- At times afraid of the conflict associated with having to set boundaries or discuss them
- Not necessarily adept at setting many small boundaries and communicating assertively and consistently making large boundaries become a coping mechanism
- Feel very trapped when others violate their boundaries
Common Needs- Autonomy, independence, freedom
- Appreciation, acknowledgement
- Understanding, acceptance, support
- Harmony, peace, time to decompress
- Certainty, stability, safety
Common Expectations- My partner should always be understanding when I need space
- Conflict should not be occurring in this relationship
- Being with a partner shouldn't mean making compromises (expect to keep relationship to self fully untouched)
- My partner and I should each meet our own needs and then come together without too much investment
- My partner shouldn't soothe through me/emotionally rely on me
- My partner should be the perfect match (subconsciously seeking this as a strategy to avoid conflict> flaw finding)
- My level of independence shouldn't change
Behavioural Coping Mechanisms- Withdrawing to decompress
- Stonewalling
- Ignoring/dismissing
- Passive aggression
- Numbing
- Avoiding
- Excess of "creature comforts" (Ex. Binging on TV, food, gaming, alcohol, gambling etc. > Not always the case but can be common)
For more information or to take the first step toward greater connection and emotional well-being, please
contact us today. Together, we can navigate the challenges and opportunities with grace and resilience.
